My Heart

Well, I just fell down on my road. I got mad and instead of dealing with it appropriately I yelled and got really mad. I can feel Satan trying really hard to get me to continue to stay in that state of mind but I am fighting him and praying for God to deliver me from my thoughts of anger. I know that this happened because I let my guard down for just a little bit. I had just finished doing my devotions and then bam I lost my footing for a few moments. I went back and fixed my anger towards Samuel and disciplined him in the right way. I guess that is all you can do when you fall. Stand up brush it off and move on. Not sit there and dwell in it and keep thinking about how bad Samuel was and just keep making myself more mad. Just direct my mind back to God ask for forgiveness and move on. That sounds so easy but it can be so difficult.

Last night I started back into my book "Telling Yourself the Truth" What a great book. I started to read the chapter on self control. As I have said before i struggle with that. Here are a few things I have read that i want to implement in to my life.

Things that I tend to tell my self are. " I cant stand it if circumstances aren't the way i want them to be. I may "endure" things as they are , but they are terrible and I will let that be know." What a horrible way to think right. But I always want what i want and I hate that. I need to think about others as well and not just my self and I can control this by thinking of others first and not myself.


"I can't quite because i am too weak and besides, even though ______ is bad for you , it meets my needs for gratification." There are 2 major things in my life that fit in that blank. One of them is food, and the other I am just not ready to tell yet, which I know some of you may be thinking just tell us we will not judge you. But that is a major problem for me and I am having a hard time letting it go. Now for the food, that is one area that I am working on very hard. I am changing my mind set on that and that food if a source of fuel and not something to gratify my needs or eat because I am up set. Now for the other thing, It is nothing that is damaging to my family or is going to mess up my marriage. Jon does know about it. And so does most of my family it is just one thing that just helps me unwind when I get upset and i fell like I need it. I know that with God i can over come this and later I will let you know. What I do ask of you is to pray for me in that area.

One of the things it said in the book that hit hard was, " If you think and tell yourself you can't control yourself, you probably won't be able to" "You control your feelings by your thinking" Just think if we all changed the way we think where would we be today. No one can hear what we say to ourselves except for God that is and we can say what ever we want to ourselves and we don't have to deal with anyone hearing it. It is a safe place we think but then what does it do to you to continue to think bad things that if it was said out loud it could hurt someone. If we stopped talking to ourselves in a bad way and started talking to our selves in a good way, How would we treat others in return and how would we feel about ourselves? Something I have been pondering my self and trying to change and not dwell on the bad things but to put my mind where it needs to be. ON GOD.

Here is a verse that I read today that just reminded me of what i am trying to do and is an encouragement to me.

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. What a great verse to store in my heart.

In my devos the lady said. "The Lord has given us everything we need to run our race, but we need to prepare, and by doing so will gain victory in our trials and finish strong" Lynn Cowell.

To prepare she is talking about digging in to the word and storing it in our hearts and to build our relationship with God daily and talking to him continuously. Not just when the trial comes your way but everyday. That is one area that I have struggled with a lot. To get into the word everyday or even once a week for that matter. I have never been good at doing that. Praying I didn't do that very well either. Just when I needed him. I am trying to talk to him all through the day. The days that I do that I seem to be able to keep my mind on him and not on what is going wrong that day.

My father,

Give me your strength to deal with my mind. To get rid of evil talk and to put nothing but your word there. Lord I know I can do all things through you for you give me your strength do deal with everyday things and with the trials that come down my road. Lord help me to gain Victory in my life and to overcome my anger. Which i know can be done but only with you. I can not do this all on my own. I will fail if I don't put you first and look towards you for the strength I need. Lord you are awesome and mighty. I love you. Please forgive me for my blow up today. Help me to build your character in me and in my children. I want them not to follow me down the road I took but to follow you down the road you have chosen for them. Help me to teach them the right way to deal with anger and trials as well. In your name AMEN.