I know that I just wrote that I had a great weekend and am really learning how to control my self. But then I wonder as this day has gone on I find my self wondering why do I get over whelmed so easy. Last night was a really long night. Samuel was up all night throwing up. Which means I lost a lot of sleep. And you all know how I need my sleep. Well now I find my self getting very frustrated with the kids. Each kid has a set schedule of what the do during the day. They are in an activity for about 45 min each. They switch toys and rooms that they are in. A lot of the time it is like pulling teeth to get them to sit and play with there toys or what ever i have them doing at that time. Samuel tends to be my worst. If he can not be sitting on my lap all day he is a mess and cries all day long. I know today he may not feel so good so I use common sense and give some. But every thing seems to happen at once. This is where I just lost it. Samuel Pooped all over him self, The dog needed out David and Jolsyn know that i am preoccupied so they think they can do what ever they want. Which hello I can hear you and know you are not where you are suppose to be. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. I start yelling at them. I now have poop all over me and Samuel. I have now really lost it. The dog by now has peed on the floor David and Joslyn keep running in to the bathroom yelling how gross the poop is and the smell and i just want to hide in a corner and cry. I can feel my heart racing in side me and i am having a hard time wrapping my mind around how to deal with all of it. Then i just scream as loud as i can inside. These are the moments I have a hard time dealing with. AM I THE ONLY ONE??????
A lot of time I think am I doing something wrong. My desire is to be a great mom and wife and i feel like I fail at that all the time. Why??? Do I expect to much of my self. I wonder, do am I just not strong enough but then I know that all my strength comes form God so i know i am for he gives me strength. This is just all so hard for me. I want to be the best Wife and Mom but i just don't know if I am or can be. But through Christ all is possible. Philippians 4:13 I can do everything through him who gives me strength. This is a verse i need to keep in the front of my brain always. I know this is so easy to say but then to do it is another thing. For i am sure alot of you understand that. I HOPE! Please pray with me that the strength will come and that I will calm down.
Sorry I know a lot of this is venting frustration but I Rather do it on here then at the kids. Or to my self. Thanks for listening. I love you all.
My 3 little insperations
Posts
4 comments:
I can relate to that scenario. I just did that the other day, Josh was sitting there watching me go down hill in all the chaos. Then I stood there, spaced off, and walked to my room, sat on my bed, cried for a little bit, and when I was ready, I came out. and continued what I was doing. It was my time-out. Obviously you won't be able to do that when you are alone, but I was just letting you in on the fact that I've been in similar circumstances and had to put myself in time-out. :) That would definitely get to me to. Do you remember our "wonderful" talk, about a year and a half ago? You were frustrated with the kids, and I told you that you were better than this. God gave you these 3 kids, at their ages because He knows that He can trust you. When you fall, He knows that you will learn, because it hurts and your heart is in the right place. You are expecting too much of yourself. You need to stop and understand that you are His child first. Try not to be legalistic about that routine. ( I can say that because that's my tendency) You need a time-out and learn how to rest in His arms. Honestly, when you have any free time, sit in silence, and just start reading from your bible... Just read. That's what I have to do to find that strength. and peace. and just plain heal from life on this earth. Search out the gifts that God has given you for good reason.
one more nugget....
remember this, I found this in my Dad's diary, he put this in there before he died. author unknown,
"To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person that you are."
Merry Christmas to you from Grandma and Grandpa. We know it is a hard road to raise children, but it will be so satisfying for you to see your children and grandchildren someday as they love the Lord and seek to serve him. It is worth every effort you can give to the process. You are so wise to give up self and allow God to form you and use you for his purposes. Love forever from Ma and Pa.
kailan, your dads quote is so true. i definately relate to this Brandy. One thing that might help in the moment is for that scene is tell samuel to stay for a min and dont touch anything, take a breather by washing ur hands-quickly,lol- so you can take care of other two, sit them down in time out pose just outside bathroom door until ur done with samuel. that way if they move u can address it immediately and it helps enforce that they must follow instructions even if ur preoccupied. one instance with me i had to do that with mine when i was on the phone and i made it that way each time i was on the phone they had to sit on couch in time out pose until i was off even if they were having a perfect day. they got it quickly thankfully but they are older. when they were younger this would have taken muck longer. this c ould be an exercise u could do regularly just to enforce that ur serious and it is a freedom to have the schedule they have. they know u can hear them but they dont care cuz at the time they r getting away with it. i did the same thing and i remember i knew the consequence and i didnt want it but who cares cuz right now i can have fun. i remember thinking that before i even started school!! do it when u take the dog out. sit them down outside in timeout pose while u have dog on leash going potty (if thats what u do) its an exercise u can use anytime u r distracted. speaking of legalistic i can be too. so i would pick one or 2 things that regularly "distract" u to use this exercise with just to prove a pt and enforce that u expect them to act appropriately no matter what ur doing and eventually u will see that it when u r "distracted" with something out of the norm this is ur testing time to see if they are getting and sooin u will see they r. or just test them intentionally every so often. when i was on the phone it would be for a while cuz that day i was talking to friende i havent heard from in a long time, talked for almost 2 hrs! lol and of course i had to stay in their sight so they took me seriously. and yes 2 hrs is long but i had had it so i figure ITS MY TURN, DARLINGS! It felt good cuz i got the reaction i was looking for.... the looksof "mom are u done yet" "pleeeease let us up!" lolol instead of these looks "is she looking" "did she see us" oohhhhh those boil my blood!
dont be so hard on urself. i know its hard at this stage. know that God may be giving u insight at what He wants u to change but that the guilt comes from satan rubbing it in to hender u. and know that these things take time for u and the kids. repetition of the same is key. i know i have a tendency to let my frustration come out in a vengence of anger with "the point of getting across THIS TIME!" REMEMBER repitition....isnt that what works for us too when God is molding us in an area that we are stuck in. i hope that helps. it helps me to think about their preciousness, u know those moments when u cant help but feel overwhelmed with love for them, and link that to Gods patience that He has with us in those same hard times, He has patience because He love us that much. this helps me to bring my madness down a notch to gain control.
love ya
tera
Hey Brandy, I'm loving keeping up with your progress. You need to write more.
Post a Comment